Wednesday, August 11, 2010

The World should have stopped for a minute...{My Ramblings}

I am in a funk today...I sit down to write some reviews and giveaways and I simply know I won't do them justice today.  I have looked at {deals} and it just seems a bit trivial right now...I spent some time looking at other blogs that have joined Blogmania 2011 and as excited as I am about this event I simply felt such guilt for being happy.  I have this feeling that the world should have stopped turning for a minute...I should not be going on about my day like any other...a guilt for being "normal" when I know "normal" is all I ever wanted.

You see yesterday a special little boy named Daniel Beamish went home to Heaven.  He was born with Biliary Atresia (a rotten liver disease my daughter was born with as well) and then as if that is not unfair enough...he fought leukemia.  He was to turn 6 next week.

Today, I have not gotten out of my pj's and Savvy is still in hers....I have let her watch more t.v. then she really should.  She has colored and finger painted.  She has played legos and been her normal {wonderful} self - including time outs and temper tantrums and I KNOW how lucky I am to have her.  I know that we are having a pretty "normal" day and yet I feel guilty in a weird way that the earth did not stop moving...a beautiful child was taken from all of us...a child I never met or touched...a child I fell in love with over the internet - I "met" his mother on a support forum for liver disease.  I know it may sound a little odd for some but I can tell you that I have fallen {in love} with children by the stories and pictures their families share...by the support that I have received from their families...it is something difficult to explain but when you spend a year or more of your life trapped in the depth of a {hell} on earth watching your child fight for their life...you depend a great deal on others who have gone through it or are going through it.

I am sad and heartbroken for Daniel's family.  They knew he had a short time left and did everything to make each moment special ... the moment I saw his name and picture and the words, "Angel Daniel"...my heart sunk.  I am grieving for a brave, strong, beautiful child I never held because I am a Mami and can not begin to imagine the pain.  I know that we have come so close but it is not nearly the same...what I have experienced is fear...but not the pain.  I just believe that children should bury their parents not the other way around...I am angry and sad for them...terrible things happen to good people...and I am heart broken.

So, please forgive me...I will not be posting anything else today or tomorrow...I want to take some time to myself.  I am angry that the world did not stop rotating for a minute and simply need for my "world" to stop for a moment and grieve.


Please keep Angel Daniel's family in your heart and prayers.

2 comments:

Melanie said...

My world stopped for a moment and prayed. Thank you for this posting. When you see the heart of a stranger so open to love and pain you know the world is still good and filled with God's love.

Mami said...

Thank You Melanie! Thank you from the bottom of my heart! Ana